Who the hell am I?

Even after an ample period of brainstorming from the day one when I have started thinking on my own in my life, I couldn’t figure out my societal status when it comes to deity. Yes. I couldn’t uncover or frame my own principle in discovering my destiny towards someone who has created me. Still, my conscience is yet to unriddle the myth which keeps me going in my so called life. I could not stringently conclude myself whether I am a theist or agnostic or eventually atheist human.   

     Orthodox ambience, traditional practices, vedic chantings, spiritual tours comprise most of my lifestyle being brought up in a typical Hindu Brahmin Family.  Retrospectively, I haven’t left out to think beyond what I have been supposed to do which has never kindled me to contemplate towards any rational realization. Introspectively, after the exposure of multitudes of personalities, books, happenings in my recent life, my mind has inducted to traverse towards a rational track of thoughts and ideas.

     Now, whenever I happen to go to any temple, happen to worship, happen to chant spiritually or happen to pray even unknowingly, I am able to contemplate with a big query “WHY am I doing it?” followed by many trivial but intense queries running through my neurons. Has lord Brahma really created me? Lord Vishnu is safeguarding me? Lord Shiva is awaiting me? Allah and Jesus are there to care for the worldly people? If that is not the case, on whom are we incidentally relying on? Who is monitoring us throughout our existence here?  If there exists something called second world, where is it? Who heads it? Does God is an inherent form of fear? Relentlessly, I am in a hunt to discover answers for these seemingly rhetoric queries.

     I could sensitively feel some transformation within me which pushes me towards a dark room with no candle in my hands. It actually makes me to think rationally because of which I am becoming an agnostic human with a baffled state of mind in searching for the almighty of every amazed creation in a place where I was thrown in to live an ambiguous phase so called life. So, a typical theist is grooming as an agnostic with a forecast of emptiness towards the horizon.  I have started intuitively feeling that there is only one religion called “Love” actually exists and all the notional religions like Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism and all the survivals are preaching towards the same objective in channelizing the humans towards this universal or infinite love.  Empathy of this universal fruition would groom only if people stop bothering much on inconspicuous omnipresent or omnipotent almighty and start involving themselves in caring and loving their fellow creatures beyond the religious fences. This is the only weapon to dissolve hatred and grief in evolving into its superlative shape in destroying the humanity.

     I am pretty unclear whether I will end up as an atheist or will remain agnostic throughout my life but an intimate realization has started lingering in my mind which would emphatically steer me towards the motive of self-motivation  in living for humanity rather wasting my golden lifetime to live for myself !!